"Where Swami answers your questions, and you will question his answers."
Dear Swami:
I voted for hope and change last November, but unfortunately the change I'd hoped for hasn't quite materialized. Too many of Barack Obama's appointments have been disappointments, and it seems as if the usual suspects are still in charge. Thanks to the bail out the banks are making huge profits, and the average Americans who thought they had retirement money are facing huge losses. I am coming to the sad conclusion that the two party system has failed us. As a respected political guru, Swami, what do you say?
Hugh R. Phelan,
Somerville, Massachusetts
Dear Hugh:
I am sorry to have to confirm your sad conclusion, but indeed the two big parties -- which we collectively can call Dempublicrats -- have been partying on our dime -- and we the people haven't even been invited to the party. Sure, there's been political climate change. But instead of letting the light shine through, the two parties and the media continue to cloud the issues.
Once again, the Democrats have positioned themselves not as a force for transforming the trance, but as the lesser of two weasels. Imagine an ad campaign for any product that proclaims: "Buy our product. It's not as bad as the other guy's." As long as we the people buy this illogical logic, we will be sold a bill of bads.
So, how do we create change we can really believe in? We can begin by changing our beliefs, and imagining something that seems unimaginable -- going to the polling places to vote for the greater of two goods. Believing is seeing, so once we see this we can take the next step. We can throw a party of our own. We can call it the Right To Laugh Party, and offer our own slogan: "One big party, and everyone is invited ... all for fun, and fun for all."
Why Right to Laugh? Well in these times when our problems are so serious, doesn't it make sense that the solutions are humorous? What if we came together from across party lines to laugh at the institutionalized insanity of a system too big to not fail? What if we laughed at the obscene foolishness of spending so much of our livelihood on weapons of deadlihood, and the utter absurdity of doing the same things over and over and expecting different results? Why, we might get struck by enlightening, and commit ourselves to a sane asylum. And in the wake of the laughter, we might awaken from the trance of just voting for the two candidates we are given and begin to choose our own -- candidates who serve the commonwealth and not just the uncommonly wealthy.
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Dear Swami:
Is it true we have to be childlike to get into heaven?
Sue Nafter,
Dayton, Ohio
Dear Sue:
Actually, it's more accurate to say you have to be adult-like to get out of heaven. The cosmic joke is that we are born to create heaven on earth just for the hell of it. However, we are soon conditioned to be serious, hence the serious condition the world is in. Next thing you know it, you've got Sinatra's Syndrome - a doo-be-doo-be-doo imbalance -- from too much being and not enough doing. No wonder those who spend so much time being a doer will come home and do a beer or do a doobie. All these are ways people try to "get into heaven," or at least make a short visit. But here is the thing. Heaven is in our own hands. In fact, it is in our faces. Want to go to heaven? Just turn up the corners of you mouth in a smile. It doesn't matter if you don't feel like it. You will. Just the act of smiling releases a flood of chemicals to make the body think you're happy and the body doesn't know the difference! Pretty soon, you realize that you're happy and you don't know why. If that ain't heaven, I don't know what is.
© Copyright 2009 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Swami Beyondananda -- and his hilarious books and CDs -- can be found online at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com. Steve's new book with Dr. Bruce Lipton, Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future and a Way to Get There From Here, is now available. Just go to
http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/ or call toll free (800) SWAMI-BE to order.
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July Column 2009
"Where Swami answers your questions, and you will question his answers."
Dear Swami:
I have impulses and habits that wreck my will power -- the one thing I need to overcome the bad habits. What do you recommend?
Malik E. Fawcett,
Detroit, Michigan
Dear Malik,
Hopefully one of your bad habits is procrastinating. If so, then next time you have the urge to turn an impulse into an out-pulse, call on the positive power of procrastination, and simply put it off.
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Dear Swami:
What on earth will I do with the rest of my life after enlightenment? Being a seeker has kept me busy all these years ... searching, finding and discarding ... it has given me a sense of purpose in life -- I shall be lost without it and with nothing to achieve, I might as well be dead.
Kirsten Spatapahn,
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Dear Kirsten:
Well, you know what they say. Before enlightenment, do the dishes. After enlightenment, do the dishes ... but they're 40 percent brighter. Maybe you need to take a break from your purposeful activities, and get a sense of porpoise instead. Go swim with the dolphins. And if you want to help humankind, you can help spread human kindness. This is particularly important when you feel weighed down by the gravity of world conditions. Just attune in to the levitational forces and you will find the corners of your mouth being pulled upward in a smile. You may not be aware of it, but smiling is contagious. You can start an epidemic, and just like that increase the laugh force on the planet. Now if you really want to speed up evolution by having enlightening strike twice as often, you can get enlightened with a friend as part of my Buddysattva program.
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Dear Swami:
I would love to know your take on the whole idea of "mind viruses" and "memes" - these thought forms that are spread through mass media. How do we keep from being infected with negativity, or worse yet, infecting others unconsciously? (I have my mental floss at the ready, just in case.)
Frieda Mind,
Fredericksburg, Texas
Dear Frieda:
It is good that you are prepared. Given that the mainstream media is a brainwashing machine stuck on spin, both truth decay and malconclusion are rampant. That's why four out of five transcendentists recommend mental floss to dislodge all the superfluous "flossify" that has lodged itself between the ears.
One of the greatest causes of truth decay is mistaking one's own beliefs for reality. Believe me, what people believe is truly unbelievable. And the secret for releasing unbelievable beliefs? You won't believe it. It is silence. That is why I have labored to produce Swami's Ultimate Meditation tape, which is completely blank. You may have heard meditation tapes before, but until you hear this, you ain't heard nothing.
Now finally -- and perhaps most importantly -- the way to avoid being infected with negative belief viruses is to avoid being negative, period. That is why I have launched my Just Say No to Negativity campaign where our slogan is, "Positively no negativity." For example, perhaps your kids are driving you batty. Could it be that you have been reinforcing their negativity by responding negatively to them? If that is so, you must positively reverse course, and speak only positive words. Imagine how your teenaged son will respond when he hears, "Get out of bed, you useful good-for-something! What's right with you, anyway?" And imagine how exasperating it will be to your adversaries when they hear you good-mouthing them for no reason.
© Copyright 2009 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. Swami Beyondananda -- and his hilarious books and CDs -- can be found online at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/ or call toll free (800) SWAMI-BE for a free catalogue.